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Craving the Comfort of Certainty

Linda Conyard

23 February 2022| Personal Growth

Something I noticed over the last two years of our global collective experience, is the challenge many people had with how to be with uncertainty. There was a craving for the comfort of certainty.

Uncertainty of what was ahead was so destabilizing for so many and it caused great suffering within relationships of all kinds. Being afraid of uncertainty either paralyses us or it can send us into what we saw in the supermarkets with the frenzied buying of toilet paper.

On the surface, this drive to have enough toilet paper doesn't make sense but if we look at it from a trauma perspective people were in survival mode. The logical thinking part of their brain wasn't accessible to them and the panic rippled through communities.

I am a bit of an introvert and as I am getting older I am seeking more quality time by myself and surrounded by animals and nature.

I remember reading this quote years ago and as my inner work has deepened over the years, and therefore the work I do with traumatized people has deepened, this quote now makes much more sense to me.
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit
quietly in a room alone," -Blaise Pascal.
The inability to sit quietly, in silence highlights to me the amount of unresolved inner work that is within people. To be silent can be horrifying to some people, especially if their inner world is unkind to them. By this, I mean how they think and speak to themselves.

When people are left to be silent, it doesn't take long for things like anger, judgment of self or others, resentment, or hatred of self or others to arise.

I remember when I stayed in an Ashram in India for 3 months at the end of 2012, I did a 21 day Ayurvedic Panchakarma (detoxification program). It was wonderful except when I had 7 days of treatment for my eyes where I had to be in a darkened room and only had the distraction of people when my meals came and when they wrapped my eyes in the evening. I wasn't allowed to use the computer or read anything! OMG did I really feel the absence of DOING! I was sort of ok until about day 3…I became so stir crazy, pacing the room, doing standing push-ups against the wall, and so much anger was rising in me. Then on day 4, so many tears came. It was an amazing experience that shifted something within me on a massive scale.

I love Rumi's quote, "The wound is the place where the light gets in". If we allow trauma to be our teacher instead of our enemy, magic happens. It's amazing what a good reframe can do for our perceived perception!

This inability to be fully present to uncomfortable sensations in the body and mind is to me the first of the three major disconnects that I speak about, which is the disconnection to self. Until we are able to connect to ourselves we are run by the mind.

When I was studying Ayurveda (India's natural system of health) about 17 years ago, my teacher, Dr Ajit said, "The mind is an excellent servant but a very poor master." At the time I didn't really understand what he was saying.

Now I get it!

If you think about what we as a society value, one major value is the intellect of the mind. We encourage competition from a very early age in regards to scoring how clever the mind is. What happens often is that people tend to live in their minds and are disconnected from their bodies and spirit. To have the full human experience and to experience our full potential, we need connection between mind, body, and soul.
"On a physiological level, experience changes brain structure."
-Judith Hanson Lasater
Experience is felt, not thought. I don't believe we can heal our wounds from just one aspect such as just from the mind, or the body, or the soul. I believe real transformation happens when we are able to bring into alignment the mind, body, and soul.

How many of us put on our armor or our mask before we head off to our work. How much energy does it take to hold up the presentation of ourselves that we put forward in our role as CEO, Executive, Manager, or any other role we have? We are all human beings underneath whatever we present. We have a mind, body, and soul. When we are in alignment, everything flows and we don't have to work so hard. We are even able to see uncertainty differently. There is nothing to be afraid of when we are in this flow of connectedness.
"Look inside yourself for the answers - you're the only one who knows what's best for you. Everybody else is only guessing." -Charles de Lint
When I first meet clients, they usually have the idea that they have a destination to get to with the inner work they are embarking on. I encourage them to enjoy the journey because that is what becomes the destination. That journey doesn't end until we are leaving this life for whatever is awaiting us on the other side.

When we die, we can't take our role as CEO or whatever role we have, we can't take our money or accumulated belongings …we leave with what we have inside ourselves and we leave behind the imprint of how we were to others and our environment. That's our legacy.

So we can afford to fall in love with the process of finding who we are (I did read this somewhere but now can't find it so am unable to credit it. If anyone knows please let me know).
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin
It is usually something that becomes so unbearable that makes people take a movement in the direction of support or makes them start to seek something else apart from what they are currently tolerating.

Something that is not often considered in the fabric of our society here in the west is that we are the result of thousands who have come before us. Our ancestors tend to be at most a faint recollection of our great-grandparents, our grandparents, and our parents. Often our family systems (our ancestral lineage) can have an impact on what is happening in our lives. This includes our business lives. Once you start to see the benefit of a quality connection to yourself and you implement the inner work that is required to de-armour yourself, you will feel a sense of freedom you may not be able to imagine. You will realise there is no such thing as certainty!

If you would like to fall in love with the process of finding yourself, Journey Back Home may be exactly what starts this developmental practice for you.

May you all be well and may you all be happy

Linda ♡

About The Author

Linda Conyard has a Master of Gestalt Psychotherapy, is a Family Constellations Facilitator, and specializes in Trauma Recovery and Transgenerational Trauma Issues in private practice. Linda is an Amici Mortis (friend of the dying) and has studied Contemplative End-of-life care, Midwifing Death, and volunteered with Karuna Hospice from 2007-2021. She is very passionate about Trauma Sensitive Practices becoming part of all major systems, including health, education, justice, and government.

Socialpreneur & Advocate for Healing Unresolved Collective Trauma
Providing her Leadership Enhancing Program - Compassionate Empowered Workplaces
Providing her Personal Growth Program - Journey Back Home

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