The risk of being judged silences us. We stop talking about our loss. People tell us we 'should' be moving on or other equally ignorant words. In fact, what we need is a space to keep speaking our truth. Suppose you want to keep your husband's clothes in the wardrobe for 10 years or keep your dog's bowl and collar and not use it for any other animal. In that case, you should be able to do that without judgement. Being told things like: "don't you think it's time you cleared that out" or "we can use [dog's name] bowl and collar for [new dog's name]." In the west, we are what I call closet grievers! We keep up appearances when we are really still numb and empty inside. I believe this keeps us more stuck in grief because we have to hide what is really going on for us.

Insight: Honor and embrace your own grieving process. Understanding the words of encouragement to move on with your life after a loss is usually for the benefit of the person who spoke them…it helps them feel better. You don't have to take it on and doubt yourself! Understand how whatever you have made important to you (such as the clothes in the wardrobe for 10 years) is serving you. Sometimes, we are afraid of losing the memories of that dearly loved person/animal and will move on with our lives and forget them.

When we suppress our grief and take on the so-called grieving rules of our society, our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing are impacted. Any future loss is felt more deeply due to our unattended grief from previous loss. Resisting grief only prolongs the pain and causes us to shut down a part of ourselves and isolate ourselves from others.

Insight: It is essential for us to honor our feelings and take care of them.

Grief is a personal journey, and there is no right or wrong way to process your own grief. How your family dealt with grief when you were young will impact how you deal with grief in your adult life. The words around grief in my family were to 'not cry' and 'be strong'! This forced me to become a closet griever instead of fully feeling my feelings. What were the words in your family when you were sad? What do you hear yourself say when your child or a friend or family member is sad?

I would often wish I was part of those cultures where wailing and crying in public was supported instead of our western way of smothering grief.

I have found it helpful to name how I am feeling. I've learned that when I name something, it loses its power over me. My invitation is to name where you are with your grief. If it's too hard to look at, that's fine - bring that into your conscious field.

Insight: Notice your words around grief for yourself and the words you use for others who are grieving. Are these words still relevant to your experience? Acknowledge your feelings and be honest with yourself.

We are all allowed to grieve however we need to, and for as long as we need. Give yourself permission to do your grieving in your own way. Allow life to move past you while you are stopped by your grief. Allow your grief to come in the waves it needs to. Allow yourself to not grieve while you are busy surviving the moment. This is not about avoiding grief; this is about bringing the truth into your consciousness and making a choice to not grieve right now.

Insight: Grief does not need to be an isolating agony. Give yourself permission to grieve however you need to.